Past, Present and Future

This is my first blog post in a looooong time! It's not really for anyone else's viewing pleasure, but I didn't know of a better place to keep a journal so this is what I chose. If you stumble across it, enjoy reading.

I just finished my second session with my therapist. Yep, that's right, I now have a therapist. It came about after a very bad day of work where I was feeling shitty about everything. I'm not convinced that this therapy is the answer, but I do know that I need to do something. As part of my desire to improve, I'm going to reflect on year's past and make goals for the year moving forward. I will use the 8 Equities of Life by Tom Ferry.

First, a reflection of where I was 5 years ago. Five years ago, we were in our first year of our Philippine's experience. We were a bit overwhelmed with the change in culture and adjustments that come with moving to a new country and starting a new job.

Physical - I was probably about 10 lbs lighter 5 years ago. I was working out regularly in the morning before school and playing basketball occasionally. I was walking our "loop" after dinner regularly and playing volleyball on Monday nights. 

Family - Rosemary was 1 year old and Anna and I were entering our 5th year of marriage.  Rosemary was learning how to walk and then run. Her language was developing and we celebrated Christmas in the Philippines with the Bajorek clan. We took a trip to Puerta Galera and then the Cordilleras (Banaue and Sagada). Mom and Dad were healthier and came to visit us in the Philippines. Braden was 11 and Julia was 10. Braden was in the thick of travel baseball and Julia was just starting her volleyball career. Michelle was working out regularly and lost a good amount of weight. Frank and Lisa not sure. 

Spiritual - I was attending weekly chapel and quarterly Eucharist celebrations. I remember appreciating the first Eucharist and chapels. I enjoyed the familiarity of mass and the community feel that comes with celebrating together. However, my belief in the messages conveyed were not there and the novelty quickly wore off. 

Career - Year 1 at Brent was not easy. I felt inadequate as a math teacher, disconnected from my colleagues, and questioning my career. My teaching partner was going through some challenging times and she was not much support. Throughout the year, I improved and enjoyed my work and it let to great years 2, 3 and 4. 

Attitude - I was embracing the newness of life in the Philippines. Soaking up the sights, sounds, and culture that we were now living. I was positive in our decision to leave Bend behind. I was excited about the travel opportunities that we were going to take advantage of. Financial - We had just sold our house and other possessions. We had about 200k in our retirement and savings. Freeing ourselves from a mortgage and the expenses of daily life in the US was relieving. 

Relationships - Happily married and grateful for my wife. Learning how to be a father and husband. I left all of my close friends behind in the US and was struggling to make new ones in the Philippines. 

Knowledge - This was my second year of teaching middle school math. I was still trying to figure it out. I was struggling with how to bridge my elementary experience with the middle school expectations. I was beginning to explore how to teach with a problem and/or project-based approach. 

After four years of teaching and living in the Philippines we made a leap to Peru. The experience of living abroad was transformative. We met amazing people and saw parts of the world that I never imagined experiencing. Our first summer we took an intensive 7 week trip throughout SE Asia (Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Laos, Bali) and we also took vacations to Taiwan, Japan (3 weeks), Hong Kong, New Zealand (6 weeks), and Australia. It's impossible to not have been affected by all of this travel and life experience. Our last year and 1/2 in Peru has been challenging for me personally as I'm dealing with some long-standing psychological issues that have come to a head this year. Now, at the end of 2019 this is where I stand. 

  

Physical - I'm pushing 200 lbs which is 20 lbs heavier than I want to be. I feel physically week and unhealthy. I can't get into a consistent routine of working out and eating healthy. I drink more than I like. 

Family - We are now 4. Josephine was born in 2013 completing our family. Josephine is passionate and affectionate. She is always willing to give a hug or a kiss and feels comfortable around everyone. She is strong-willed and demanding and is deserving of the title "threenager". Josephine loves to sing and dance and play with anyone willing. She goes to My Little Rainbow Nido and loves school. Her language, both Spanish and English, is exploding and she can tell an engaging story. Rosemary continues to grow and develop into an amazing young girl. Sometimes it's hard to remember that she is only 6. She is mature, caring and thoughtful. She is very respectful and polite but can have her moments as well. Rosemary is in KG and is learning to read, write and do formal math. She can speak in both Spanish and English fluently and is a marvel. She is taking risks (sledding and cardboarding) is still cautious when entering a new situation, but joins in once she's comfortable. She is a natural leader. Anna is my rock. I admire her for her strength and confidence. She is so beautiful both inside and out and I marvel at the fact that I am married to her, often feeling unworthy of her love. She is an amazing teacher, mom, wife, sister, and daughter. 

Spiritual - There is a bit of a hole in my life where my spirituality used to live. I'm feeling a need to connect with the world at a deeper level, but no that Christianity is not going to fill that void. What will 2020 bring to help fill that void? 

Career - I feel so lucky to be the Associate Principal. It is a wonderful opportunity to have a positive impact on a school. This is where I want to be, but I often feel under-qualified for the position. I know that I am not, but that is how I feel. 

Attitude - I've struggled the past 1.5 years in Peru being consistently positive. I've started seeing a therapist to help me overcome some of my self-doubt and lack of confidence. I want to be a better dad and worker and to do that, I need to be more confident in what I know and what I can do. 

Financial - Aside from losing value because of selling our home, we are in a very good place financially. Our net worth is at about 500k, with 400k in our retirement and 100k in cash waiting for the right time to reenter the housing market. I feel like we are setting ourselves up to retire at 60 or before. We've put ourselves in a good place with our earnings and spending lifestyle. 

Relationships - Visiting Bend helped me reconnect with some of the people that are really important to me. My friend community there (Matt, Josh, Andy, Beau, Max, Joe, Brook) is so strong and one that I know that I'll always be able to count on. Also, I have a few people in Peru (Greg and Dave) that I feel comfortable with. 

Knowledge - Although I feel dumber than ever sometimes, I know deep down that I know a lot. I just went through my old schooling materials and I was impressed by how much I've learned/studied. All of that information is in my cranium somewhere, I just have to tap into it. I'm learning every day in my new position and I love that. I would like to extend my learning outside of my profession.

I am very hopeful as we start 2020. I have so many amazing things in my life that I am eternally grateful for, and I am addressing some long-standing issues that need to be taken care of. I know that this year and decade will be one of the best of my life. Here are my hopes for the new year. 

Physical – My goal for this year is to work out 4 to 5 times a week. I will do yoga once a week, play basketball once a week, and get to the gym or run 2 – 3 times a week. Also, I will quit drinking as regularly as I am. I will limit drinking to Friday and Saturday nights and no more than 2 drinks. If I can’t do this I will stop drinking altogether. I will start eating more grains, fruits, vegetables, and legumes. I will limit my consumption of dairy, sugar, meats and breads.

Family – In 2020, my main goal is to be present whenever I am with my family. To do this, I will set biweekly dates with each of my 3 girls so that I get some quality one on one time with all of them. I will also stay more connected to my brother and sister. I will work to develop a relationship with Anna’s family that I’m proud of.

Spiritual – I will use Yoga to develop my spiritual self. I would also like to practice more mindfulness and find a spiritual community that I can become apart of.

Career – Complete my master’s degree and obtain my certification in administration. Also, I will develop confidence in leading my teams and professional development opportunities at school. 

Attitude – Stay positive and confident are my biggest goals for the new year. Hug Anna whenever I am feeling insecure. Use behavior therapy to document evidence of my accomplishments. 

Financial – Create a plan to have a second income by the 2021 (look into rental income).

Relationships – Foster my relationships with my friends through monthly contacts. Key people that I want to stay connected to are: Josh, Matt, Olin.

Knowledge – I would like to learn two new skills this year. 1) surfing 2) painting. I will go surfing at least once per month and I will either take an art class with Anna or use youtube to learn.